HEAVY
She called me into her office to discuss my "performance" which she said was below what they "expected".
Naturally, I emailed all of my professors and then made an appointment with her. I feared the worst, though.
We're revoking your funding
Or some shit.
I sat down this morning, bathed, skirted, and in command of my presence.
"I just looked at your scores again," she began. "They're really not bad at all. In fact, for your program you did really well. But thanks for coming in! Are you getting the best experience you need from IU...?"
Apparently some programs inflate their grades so a B is poor work, but not so in linguistics. She applauded our renowned program and their tough criteria, and then applauded me for adjusting so well after 3 years out of school and for hitting the B+'s in my non-inflamatory department.
You should have seen how much more impressed she was knowing I'm a double-major in two programs with no prerequisits.
Hmph.
I want to tutor in the writing lab. I also want to teach composition again. Hopefully... There's (some) money in it, and probably a better shot than teaching in linguistics.
Not to mention, I "taught" it for four semesters as an undergrad.
Last night I spoke with Chris about his eat-in dinner invitation and I point-blankedly (that's my new favorite adverb) told him that he should expect no more than a hi-5 because I'm not down with him for boy-drama because I think he's cool and let's just be friends and I hope this isn't too blunt for you because this is how I am and if you have a problem with it...
His reply, "I'm not an ass, cash, or grass; this food ain't free kind of guy!"
So I accepted.
Then Maggie and I caught up since New Year's. She's hanging out with Matt Cowherd in Alphabet City... how completely bizarre. We joked about how my time in NY blazed her trail for her. The same way my (3) years in Tennessee blazed a trail for her.
In fact, Apt #4, where she lived, is where Matt Cowherd used to live, and he was in my program...
We teased that in the next year she'd be living with Matthew (she'd be a much better roommate), working for Asit, modeling jewelry for Michael, booking shows for Jordan, and dating Kasey.
She also said Mandy is coming to visit her.
My winter in NY was so cold, so lonely, so painfully isolated and lost, with only the visit of Maggie herself in mid-February (that Baneful Month!) to warm my heart. Seriously, Asit on the weekends was the only thing that kept my blood from freezing.
Maggie has already had visitors, and then she found Matt, in Alphabet City. Oh, and she lives in Fort Green, too, which is oh-so-much cooler than Manhasset.
As I fell asleep, thinking about NY, I remembered...
the ninja will be here tomorrow!
Shit, oh well.
So I got to "rain-check" with Chris on account of the road-tripper.
Then I couldn't sleep. I haven't slept well in months. Living alone? Maybe.
Joe made it easier for me to fall asleep. There were only a few nights I laid awake beside him, which makes me think it is just the alone-ness that keeps me up.
In that case: it's something I need to learn to fix on my own. My personal mission is to discover every interpersonal-dependency I tend to have and then learn to provide it for myself from myself.
I dreamed about my father, terrorizing my brother, John, the tender one. Some think he's the simple one, but he's just very, very tender. I just remember so clearly, in my dream, that look of shock and terror my father could put on that baby-boy's face (okay, he's almost 23, but he'll always be my baby-boy) that I saw so often growing up.
Dad never made me feel that way, but Muriah and I both have serious issues forgiving him for how he treated our brothers.
Then I dreamed I was in a war, and the tank I was in was overtaken, and I was shot in the chest by a machine-gun, but the shells fell lightly against my fatigues and I caught them in my hand. Then I looked in shock and terror and my attacker, and wished I were dead, because I knew I was going to be taken captive.
As you can see, my dreams were no better than being awake, and 7:45 came too soon.
I walked instead of taking the bus, and now I'm going home for lunch before my classes begin today...
...and I'll walk.
Before I go, though, here are some photographs to catch you up on recent holidays and other good illustrations of my life:
This is from Halloween, when I was either: a)the sexiest Frankenberry ever, or b)a pink nothing-in-particular.
This is Asit... He's board certified! (said in my best Jewish-mother accent).
At Thanksgiving Nathanael took this wonderful picture of the four of us with our mother. It's Nathanael, John, Muriah, and Me, from left, with Mama in the middle.
At Christmas, here are my siblings et al: me, Muriah, Nathanael, Muriah's husband Dave, Katie (John's "roommate") and John.
My three brothers throwing up signs.
Me and Joe, from Saturday. Can you tell I doctored it a little?
