...in other news
It grows exponentially.
Today I received a package from her, which I knew to be my down coat and IU hoodie, but inside were other things to "keep me warm."
Lentil soup mix, my *favorite* tea (Constant Comment), warming body-scrub, and hot chocolate.
The card said she told the grocery-store clerk that these items were for her sister at IU (and that the clerk graduated from here).
She says she misses me; coffee and reading in the mornings.
Then she said she wants a tattoo.
Our mother would completely disown both of us if she did, though. The only reason Mom tolerates mine now is because I am her only "good child". If my sister and I both were inked mom would count her losses and never speak to either of us.
My tattoo(s) is(are) the only defiance I've exhibited against Mama.
My sister and I are parrallel in so many ways now that we're adults, despite how different we are.
She's docile and follows lists and is a hard worker. She's married and stays at home and draws and plays piano/guitar. She makes her own clothes and researches authentic tailoring methods of past centuries. She's envious of me.
I'm careless and lazy and will spend fourteen consecutive nights drunk. I talk about myself all the time. I squander money and time. I'm envious of my sister.
But our spirits, and our personal strength is parrallel.
She says her husband feels badly at times when he realizes she would be perfectly fine without him. My sister and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we can always make it no matter what, and that we'll always end up okay, and that it's best to never depend on anyone else to take care of you.
I depended on my father, and on my exboyfriend, and those were both mistakes.
Now I simply hope for a man who can take care of himself as well as I take care of myself, so we can pick up the slack for each other when we need to. That rules out domineering misogynists and complacent mama's-boys.
So I walked to school along the train tracks with my heart full of love from Muriah's package, and into my lovely phonetics classroom where all my fellow first-year linguists were.
Honestly, linguistics is in the most lovely part of this campus. Our building has tourettes and ivy and arches.
After class I walked back home and prepared the soup and just let the health permeate my body and soul.
Benders are not the rule, and a poor exception at that.
So... Chris is the name of a fellow I met on Friendster sometime last November. We had a whirlwind email frenzy before meeting in person a couple days later. I think I mentioned it here, and compared it to when I met blankwave, but then complained that Chris was not as visually pleasing as the Matthew had been.
I intentionally didn't kick it with him twice before Christmas, but he's kept in touch (since I haven't programmed his number in my phone, I answer every time he calls).
He wants to cook me dinner, and I just got an email asking if tomorrow was okay. I hate turning guys down, but I'm not interested. But he's completely cool as shit, and I want to hang out with him, just not alone at his place.
When did this happen? All this desire coming at me is unusual. Once upon a time I could have had a crush on whomever I pleased and it wouldn't mean a thang. Now I end up having to deal with reciprocity.
I'm the effing dog who chases the car.
In syntax they use the word "reciprocality", which reminds me of "perseveration". I despise both.
reciprocity
perseverance
Anyway, I've finally figured out what my New Year's proposition ought to be:
developing an organized integration of the different striations of my life.
By this I mean that school, business, family, romance, socializing, reading, creating, health, God, friends, and other will earn a priority rating and nothing will overcome me entirely.
This should help me not get caught up in the ephemeral (to the degree that I allow it to be possible) and lose sight of the eternal (i.e. how much my sister loves me).
