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My receptical, you. You've seen so much. Heard so much. You're so accepting, too. Despite the things you see, and how well you know me, and how many of the answers you hold you never criticize or even laugh at me.

So here we are at the end of another year. I've told you everything since I was eight years old, and sometimes I think if I would only read you closely enough then I would understand the answers to all of my life's questions.

But then I think maybe I'm too scared for that. No body wants truly to know the end, and the rest of it, do they?

I think that if I had, though, then I would have known going into this that,

a) I would love everyone here more than I could stand to leave behind, and

b) I would be more excited to move back to a heartland town than I was to move to NY in the first place.

Because that's just who I am.

I love people, and relationships, and that's how I measure the value of my experiences.

Like in the Noon Until Noon Again entry I wrote last September.

I don't know why I thought I could be any tougher than that. Or any different, even.

This year was purposefull becuase of these two children who have found trust in me.

And because I have Asit. I remember telling him that I wasn't going to let him become my best friend. Because I'd had too many best-guy-friends and they all turned out badly. But that's because they started out badly. Or with the wrong intentions.

But Michaela needs to be open, and people are attracted to open people.

Open people are attracted to other open people.

I could no sooner keep myself from bonding with Asit than I could keep myself from missing my loved ones at home. Proof positive of this closeness is the bond we have formed with each others' friends.

My mother loves him, too.

It's nice to know that my personality (and his) has such a built-in survival-skill that enables us to locate and love the right people.

Tonight is my farewell party at Patio. The last citrus margarita. Michael, Vanessa, Edi, Jimmy, Eric, Riley, Darren, Hiro, Shaggy... I hope they're all there. And my random smattering of other friends I've met along the way.

Three cheers for Providence.

(I've always been a fan!)