This is a day when I wore no makeup
I saw the strange man about three times before I reached the deli.
The strange blonde man with an aged but boyish face. He had that resemblance to a two-year-old child that my ex-boyfriend Bobby had. That resemblance to a very-old man.
As I awaited my turn at the deli this strange stranger pointed to the flower-carrier in the front of my buggy and said,
"it's empty."
"I know! There are so many lovely flowers up front: I'll get some. The lupines are in bloom."
"They have lupines?" he asked.
I nodded, and he disappeared.
As I waited for my half-pound of Virginia ham I feared him coming back with a boquet of blossoms. I kept my shoulders turned so my perifery would warn me of his return, but I focused my eyes on the sushi.
Did he have a cart? Was he shopping? For groceries? For flowers? For girls? Why had I been so open-eyed and friendly?
I don't think he had a cart.
The option of going straight to check-out evaded me because I'd forgotten to buy pineapples as per my boss' request. I returned to produce. To the fresh flowers.
He was standing amongst the flowers.
I approached with darting eyes, and let them dart away from him as quickly as they landed on him, and kept gliding along as though I hadn't seen him, as though all I saw were pineapples.
He left the flowers and I decided to buy a bouquet. There were no lupine.
Where had I seen lupine?
Were they outside?
No. Silly. Those are Hyacinths. I always confuse the two.
Bright white daisies won the vote.
But where was the strange man? Was I in the clear?
I imagined him outside:
"I wanted to give you flowers. All I found were hyacinths. There are no fucking lupines. What do you take me for? Some kind of idiot? I try to be kind and fetch you flowers and you think you can get rid of me by sending me after L U P I N E?!?!"
He morphed into a complete psychopath in my imagination. Where was he? I'd feel better if I could keep my darting eye on him. Did he go through check out?
Did he even buy anything?
HYACINTH
LUPINE
He was gone. Completely gone. Perhaps he was just a simple man strolling the store as his wife did the shopping. My imagination is over-active.
In other news, the unimaginable has come true: an acceptance which eclipses the one from Indiana University has come along. I'm a part of something grander than graduate school, now.
I am a member of The Evil Robot Army. I will do anything my Leader tells me to do.
The rest of my day was without incident.
J's friend Bobby told me if I ever got fired from this nanny job, I could live in his basement.
The cute boy at Starbucks passed me on the road today, driving a brand-new Saab convertible.
V and I went to Starbucks after her riding lesson and he was there preparing our drinks. His smile is something that has won him many favors in his life, I do not doubt.
The me that I know myself to be has decided to just ask him his name, age, and educational status next week. I'm sure the results will come back:
Michael/ 20/ some college.
He must still live at home.
Who works at Starbucks and drives a Saab if they don't live with their parents?
The me that I hope I end up acting like will continue to smile at him, but will refrain from initiating a conversation.
Observation: even though I've always been turned down, I get a rush from asking guys out, and I get a thrill just planning to do so. I'm sure he'd say no. They all do.
It's like they can all tell I'm really actually (not so) secretly in love with Tylere.
hmmmm
