Aristotlian Rhetoric on Topic of Matthew... and I'm spent!
Both of which are indications that I basically don't know what to say to express my feelings.
Matthew has been on my mind today and that's just irritating. Because I try not to think about him. Becuase my thoughts about him are irrational. Because he doesn't think about me. Because I've got as many reasons now to NOT want to date him as I ever did in favor of the idea.
Simply put, I had a total hard-on for him. It came quickly, as hard-ons do, and then he quickly receded his interest in me.
Since I really really really liked him, though, I suggested we just be friends, so I could avoid him breaking things off with me later. So I could avoid him ignoring me. So I could still get to know him and hang out with him.
Aside from opting for "just friends" I also dropped huge hints (here in this journal which he read) that if he wanted me, to come and get it.
He went and got something else, though.
The flow of our conversation stagnated fast.
He took my name off of his favorites list -- understandably -- but he replaced it with "I took you out: cause I couldn't take you out."
Is that passive aggression?
Is that passive affection?
Is that active retardation?
I made a joke in my profile by calling him "Blankhuevos" instead of Blankwave. I only ran it for about a week.
WHY DO I HAVE SUCH A MINIMAL IMPACT ON GUYS?
I spent hours telling him things about my self after he spent hours reading about me, and then it's all taken lightly. It's dispensable. He boasts his big heart but after delving into mine (live bluegrass for pity's sake) he's unimpressed.
I'm tired of draining myself into a person and then not receiving any reembursement.
What irks me most is that he left his mark on me. Not in the form of this pouting I'm doing right now, but in the actual *stuff* we talked about.
Virgin Records pulled me in off the streets today and I pondered the new White Stripes CD. The Datsuns CD. Ben Harper's CD.
And 2,347,369,795 other CDs.
Then my eyes fell on Sondre Lerche.
Who's that?
I wouldn't have known, either, apart from Matthew.
It's a good album. I had no doubt.
I'm just confused: if he genuinely thought I was intriguing, then why did (does) he never talk to me?
And if he never really found me intriguing, then why does he leave a cryptic message for me in his profile?
This is the typical self-centered concept that no one should ever get-over me. You may call me a bitch if you like. But this will all be forgotten the moment I get done writing.
I will remember to remember to forget you forgot me.
Also, I bought the shoes I saw initially. For wearing with my new suit. Their preciously cute, and I believe they'll last through several seasons, because I won't wear them much since they have a heal.
Swappingtons is awesome, though, by the way. I swapped out two DVDs and got five cd's in exchange:
Nick Cave
Mineral
Stone Roses
Bernard Butler
Danielson Family
I'm also pleased for our Copeland boys getting thier album pushed front-and-center at Virgin and Tower. They're so awesome; it sucks I can't see them.
I feel much better after writing all this. Now I can forget about it.
