in a cavern, in a canyon

Today a bunch of ephemeral things happened, and then some temporal things, followed by a fleeting glimpse of an illusion right before I had a class on conjecture and then I came home to an insubstantial and quickly-devoured take-out pizza. After my beer I'll have a cigarette and in the morning I'll piss and every thing that happened today will completely be of no value to me.

*****************************

I'm sorry; that's not true. I tend to place value on silly immaterial things instead of on the things I have to be happy about.

#1 - I talked to Tylere last night for two hours

#2 - On the walk to school today I talked to *Matthew*!! and my mother

#3 - Farron sent me an email today just to tell me she admires me

#4 - the weather here is stunning...

...that's it...

...I gave my number to this guy today, and instead of feeling all triumphant I feel like punching a wall because I'm sort of sick of first conversations. He's from England, and a fourth-year physics doctoral major, and he writes/plays music (maybe I mentioned him three weeks ago when we first met?). Anyway, he *is* hott, but I'm just projecting myself onto three months from now when I'm cursing his name. Because I have a tendency towards that.

I hate projection. And conjecture. And speculation. And guessing. And jumping to conclusions.

But I'm still a sucker-on-the-moment for when a guy is asking for the number and say yes.

When I'm in class and I think of a question to ask my heart starts pounding.

I don't even have to raise my hand; I just *think* of asking my question and my heart beats furiously.

It's bizarre, because one would think I'd be blase about talking in class.

Not true.

It makes me nervous.

I mean, I get over it pretty quickly and end up talking freely, but that initally rush is killer.

Tomorrow I'll do something important, I hope.