one to wash my hair and another to undress me
Tonight was just terrible. I don't really want to enumerate all the frustrations, but here's the gist: I went to the opera alone because Joe forgot he and Winter had basketball tickets. Joe seemed to feel badly because I was angry (only apparent by admission and not because I was acting so), and he let me borrow his car to go. Back at his house after the Falstaff - where at an acquaintance said, "so you never found an insignificant other to come to the opera?" - I relaxed and chatted with Joe and Winter before getting a ride home. Winter noticed my haircut and complimented it but Joe was silent. He drove me home and I offered my hand before getting out of the car - hoping to imply with that that I was not fuming mad with him. He hesitated and looked at my hand before finally reaching out.
So I said if I had known he was going to act so weird I would never have agreed to breaking up. He apologized, and looked cooly into my eyes as he assured me in a soft, mechanical voice that he was not trying to act weird.
So I'm just going to cease my friendliness until I feel released of my curiosity to know what he's doing every moment. I'll stop talking to him until *this* is gone and we actually can talk naturally. We know I can do this. I'm the one who never called Kasey, right? (I love it when I have to bolster myself against my desires...)
In his defense: He told me last week that he's not good at being sensitive in situations like a break up, which I do take into account when he acts insensitively. I was forewarned. From what I know about him I would predict that he is just as confused, frustrated, and lonely as I am but his reaction is chilly and placating instead of whatever-I'm-doing. I could just imagine hearing him lamenting to his roommate over being such an ass for not mentioning my new haircut. He did tell me I looked nice though (which I did) and he couldn't get over my height in heels.
