time and all you gave

I ruined my watch by showering with a hangover and not noticing it was on my arm. The thing cost me $15 after my lovely red watch was stolen a year ago, and now I have no timepiece.

Yesterday I read a chapter from Life After God while awaiting the Trailblazer to be hand-dried and something in that chapter put a little black rain cloud over my head. It was about not-feeling. I still feel. I surprise myself with my feelings a lot, actually.

Pain is the unit measurement. Everything else is measured in its relationship to pain.

When I stop feeling pain then I'll stop feeling anything.

Often times I don't realize how much I love something until I realize how much pain that something has caused me.

Are we all like this?

When I realized you were gone is when I realized how happy I was to have had you here.

Well, it really wasn't exactly a little black rain cloud. It was more like having someone grab me by the back of my head and bang my skull against the asphalt and then expect me to continue walking at my previous pace.

Despite the sunnyshine I turned on talk radio for the rest of the day. Fresh Air.

While cooking dinner I noticed my spoon had fallen against the burner so I tried to move it before the plastic began to melt. It had already been there longer than I thought, though, and the melting plastic connected with my flesh and kept melting.

I spent the next hour agonizing over this dime-sized blister on my right middle-finger and feeling miserable for anyone who had suffered third-degree burns on any portion of their body.

If I started burning I would make sure I died and not try to survive. The one thing I fear is mutilation.

Someone found my site by searching "Ashton Allen TWA". At three o'clock in the morning.

My father sent me a birthday card yesterday. Eleven days late. The card said something about me being all grown up but still just like the little girl I was. He signed it "daddy".

There will be an unusual gap in my entries this week. I fly to Dalton, GA on Thursday for this wedding and won't update until something like Monday.

There are going to be a lot of people at this wedding that I haven't seen since I went to summer camp in highschool. Seven years ago. There not going to think I'm any different and I'm going to laugh at them.

I want to get an orange cat and a seahorse.

Someone found my page by searching "boys fucking boys".

I apologize for not having what you were looking for!

If you find me via google, please sign my guestbook and let me know who you are. Especially if you're searching with a friend's name.