star-spangled rodeo
At eleven last night he said he was ready for bed and asked would I come to tuck him in (he lives just a coupla blocks away). I told him I couldn't, because I'd only be able to stay about half and hour because I needed sleep... Half an hour? In shock he informed me I was expected to stay all night. You can't sleep without me? Not any more, he said.
Well... our conversation as we fell asleep, or - I should say - as he fell asleep left me disturbed. We were discussing our views on sex... but usually I can side-step that conversation with a little tone of finality, but he was most determined.
He didn't make it hard for me to fall asleep, really. I did.
I'm not particularly proud of the way I've internalized the male influences in my life, and how I have ended up relating to other men. Noted, I'm not at all ashamed, either, but I do feel some concern for how exactly I expect to proceed. Joe pulled me to him again and again last night, and I pulled away. Because I knew he wasn't at all concerned with our conversation. I knew it wasn't burning in his brain or making him wonder if he should jump ship.
I convinced myself that the best thing for me to do was just to get up and walk home and apologize to him for teasing and then I could stop worrying about what my dad did to my views on men.
Then I fell asleep, and he pulled me to him again, and when I woke up I felt better.
His innability to ignore me put him in a rush today, and though I could easy have walked home, instead he drove to school, handed me his keys, and told me to be carefull.
His clutch is like an on-off switch it's so tight, but I only stalled as soon as I put it in gear. The drive to my place was all stop-and-go and I never got out of third, so I used the clutch a lot... which was like a dream come true. I just grinned and giggled to myself. He told me I would never... and I did.
What can I do for him? Other than a handjob? haha
I know a good meal is always nice, but I want to give him something, prop him up somehwere, ease his mind, to return some of this "I just want to make you happy" shit.
Today I'm going to go get health insurance because of the good influence of Softlips. He'd stop seeing me if I didn't, sooner than he would for any other reason.
Okay, so on Saturday I missed Jessica's wedding. I remember buying her a stuffed dinosaur for her eighteenth birthday. We lived on the same hall our freshman year. We both switched our major to English our sophomore year. She and I performed in a Shakespeare production in the fall of '97. The spring of our Junior year she and I studied abroad together, and then for two weeks we backpacked the Continent. Our senior year we both served as officers for Sigma Tau Delta, then graduated in 2000.
I can't believe I missed her wedding.
She goes by her last name, and so does her husband, which I think is completely cute: "Palmer and Edge".
So, on Saturday I missed Zach's wedding. He was the owner of the Den of Sin back in 1999 when I left David and flipped-nut on corruption under the guidance of a bunch of business majors (Zach, Nate, Josh, CB, and the White Devil). He let me sleep in his bed when I had finished making out with someone I'd be embarrassed to wake up next to. His wife and I both arrived as Audrey Hepburn to an Oscar party. Zach is in the Consulate of men who must approve of my husband.
I've been to the wedding of the other members of the consulate.
I feel so badly!
Once again the weather is perfect here. It hasn't been less than perfect even once. Tylere will be here on Wednesday, and Dub might drive out from Ohio, and I'm really looking forward to that. He can hear me sing with the physicists. I think I'm supposed to "lose that lovin' feelin'" this Thursday because George and Jason have seen too much Top Gun. I do know that Rhinestone Cowboy is going to be my big hit this week.
So you folks in the Land of Cleve will get a firsthand report of the skinny boy Michaela has been seeing. I hope Tylere likes Joe.
Is that a long shot?
I like Black Rebel Motorcycle Club and Catpower today.
