just like old times
...I've sat here, drunk, and finished my transciption homework, and something tells me I've provided a better phonetic transcription in my present state than I could have sober... but I just really like myself when I'm drunk.
I sang Every Rose Has Its Thorn tonight at karaoke, and at first I was in the lower octave, like Brett Michaels, and the fans loved it when I switched up an octave to wail like I do. It's so much fun, in the midst of all this professional strain, to have a stage where I can be silly drunk and just perform.
Jason and George and I played pool first, and I was *on*... then I drank Long Island teas, and now I'm realizing that they remind me of the gay bar I used to dance at in college. Something about the taste of cocktails really reposition me in time to the drag shows I went to regularly in Chattanooga.
Now I sit here and type, eating my salt-n-vinegar potato chips, and as the acid burns my lip I realize I bit it earlier today. My stress-habit. Asit says I shouldn't bite my lower lip, because he thinks its the sexiest part of me. He's the only person who's *ever* said anything about my lips. I like that compliment.
Now I sit here and type, listening to Slowdive, and thinking of Scanzilla when he gave me this cd for my birthday last summer. My shoegazer compatriot.
Today was stressful, academically, and I wonder if I belong in graduate school, and my only comfort is that I'm not the only fist-year who feels that way.
You want to know about last night? About Aaron and the basketball game?
Well, we walked to the game (I live very close to the stadium), and enjoyed the loss in the final 3 seconds due to a foul. He enjoyed the fact that one night at karaoke I told A. J. Moye that he sucked at singing Thriller.
Aparently soon you'll all know who he is when he makes it to the NBA.
We walked back to my place, and he came inside, and I sat in my green chair with him on the sofa. Why didn't I sit beside him? Because I've said "yes" to every invitation he's offered in the last two weeks and he should know what's welcomed. Joe, for instance, just sat down in my lap, laid one on me, and then threw me on the sofa and turned out the light.
I know Aaron's not like that, but he didn't even advance upon me in his conversation. Even though I engaged in conversations about dating. He remained reserved.
Tonight Jason said maybe I just need to bring him out of his shell... My response? I've never had a shell... I deserve a guy who's at least outside of his.
I admire Aaron, and I think he's utterly fabulous, but there's a feeling I think I deserve to have. Something that puts this look on my face:
I know that look was for anticipation of Kasey, and that he's eliminated himself, but there was a lot of truth about our relationship about what I genuinely want in a relationship.
For instance, when I know a guy likes me, and I'm also interested in him, then everything I do is for his attention. If I dress cute, or dance, or sing, or flash a smile it's for him.. to make him feel special... to make him feel like the only man in the universe. Usually, though, this is reciprocal, and the guy is also making me feel like a princess.
What isn't natural about that?
The *only* compliment Aaron gave me last night was for insulting IU's star basketball player. So now I have to tell a guy I'm not dating that I don't want to date him?
...I don't think I made any mistake this summer with Kasey, and the feelings he gave me, which I trusted, are trust-worthy feelings, and the way I deserve - and may expect - to be made to feel by a man.
But, Kasey made a mistake.
Enough about boys, though. I'm tired of all the ones I know. I'm not interested in any of them.
And for spring break? I'm staying here. At home. Come see me if you like.
I'm just a plane ride away.
In closing, I have matching scrapes on both my hands. It looks like synchronised spider bites.
