And in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make
But I'm just going to keep breathing. Because I've been here before. As always, money will not determine my decisions. Buying a car is not necessary. Having my own apartment is not necessary. I can still take out loans.
How can I worry about debt for the future? What will make me happier: going to graduate school like I've always dreamed; or avoiding problems in an uncertain future?
Since I might die tonight, I'd rather die happy.
As far as that rental car, though, I'm glad I took off to Philly Saturday morning. There were a whole mess of diaryland people who I had never met before, and not a bad apple in the whole bunch. We laughed liberally, which is the absolute best I could wish for.
When we drove back into Manhattan yesterday afternoon the six-week prediction of the groundhog came true: spring was sprung.
The sensation of feeling warm air for the first time in months reminded me of every other year when I've felt the same sensation. That excitement of what the summer holds.
I really hope I don't get in the way of myself and fuck up my life.
There used to be a trio of me, Amrin, and Todd, but they both got women who won their hearts and drove me off. I've not spoken to either of them since October, but this weekend I've missed both of them terribly. Scanzilla reminds me of Todd, and on Friday I was telling Asit about how I couldn't bring myself to delete Amrin's phone number from my cell. All the music I heard made me think of them. All the talk about cheap beer. Even at one point were talking about surfer-slang and I was pulling out all the LBC bullshit Amrin used to say.
Just like always Amrin seemed to know I was thinking about him. He never surprises me because he always shows up if I think about him hard enough.
Saturday night - just as I answered my motel door for our companions - I had listened to a message Amrin left. Just saying hello.
I decided to forget the beef and call him back, and wouldn't you know it, he was at Todd's house, drinking cheap beer. I couldn't believe it; being on the phone with both of them. It was like no time had passed. They said all the right things to let me know they love me. Amrin is finally loosed of the woman who started all the shit. Todd is engaged to his woman, but she's not so bad (I actually lived with her for two years). I love those two guys.
And so my list of people who I don't talk to anymore got smaller.
The weekend was good like that.
I've also discovered that Built to Spill sounds like honey.
Today wore me out: way too much work for a nanny!
Someone drink an extra Guinness for me.
