Who's Your Hoosier?
I'm tempted to offer him a cigarette and a shot of tequila.
what a beautiful piece of heartache this has all turned out to be; lord knows we've learned the hard way, all about healthy apathy
Last night I listened to Over the Rhine perform for the first time since 1997 and the famous "I hate you Jon Harris" moment at Stone Mt. Park.
I had asked Kareem to go with me but when he said, "I'll get back to you on that," I asked this girl from Texas who's in my ling program to come along.
Then I found out Kareem is engaged (or rumoredly so) and was doubly pleased to have Heather along.
We were both in the same mood and the band was soothing.
I use these words pretty loosely, there's so much more to life than words
For some reason I don't think I really like the band that much anymore, though. I mean, their old songs will always carry the same sentimental power, but the newer pieces seemed un-fresh to me.
And their guitarist. My lord. He had eight guitars, a citar, a mandolin, and some lap-steel and this boy from Alabama who ran around keeping all that shit in order. I was not impressed, though. The guy thought he was mesmorizing to us in the crowd. You could tell by the way he dressed and everything. But he could only string about eight notes together in a cool hook, and then repeat that. I instantly hated him.
Fortunately I never instantly hate people in situations where it will become a problem, and it remains just a silent issue I keep between me and my journal.
When they played Latter Days I did almost cry. I'm glad they played it. I knew they would. I needed to hear it.
::sigh::
there is a me you would not recognize, dear: call it the shadow of myself, and if the music starts before I get there, dance without me; you dance so gracefully. I really think I'll be okay; they've taken their toll, these latter days
I just realized this morning, while talking with my sister, that I missed the opera last night. I will also miss a performance on Halloween night. Alas. Perhaps I'll never buy season tickets ever again!
Joe has season tickets, too, though. We are hanging out tonight, by the way.
His name cracks me up, big time. I can't stop thinking about my brother, John, and how when was four he insisted on being called Joe.
We picked him up from Sunday school once and mom says, "I'm here for John-Michael."
"We don't have any John-Michael's in here," the lady said.
"He's standing right there."
"Oh, you mean Joe?"
"Joe?"
"Yeah, he walked in and very seriously waved his hand and said, 'just call me Joe.'"
I think he'd seen it on a cowboy movie.
We had to call him Joe for a while, until he switched to Billy. Now he's J.
nothing like sleeping on a bed of nails, nothing left here but our broken dreams, oh but baby if all else fails: nothing is ever quite what it seems
Speaking of my brothers, Nathanael is out of the hospital. I still know nothing more, though, and I still don't know what he needs from me.
He told me while I was home that he just wants a home with a mom and a dad and live the "happy family" life.
and I'm dying inside to leave you with more than just cliches
I told him he's 20 years old and should be beyond that regardless of his childhood.
He said he didn't care what was healthy, and that he wasn't trying to reclaim his broken teenage years... he just seems to feel that his adult life would be perfect if he just had a season of happiness as "the kid".
There's nothing I can say to that. He's so unrealistic. We all have ways of dealing that are less than ideal, but at least we've figured out how to take care of ourselves.
there is a me you would not recognize, dear
Maybe it's my fault? Mine and Muriah's? Did we take too much care of our little brothers?
call it a shadow of myself
I'm sick with boys who accept this kind of behavior from themselves. Tylere... I told him exactly what I thought, too, when he told me he wasn't doing so well in a couple of classes. I apologized for being "mean" but somebody has to tell him it's not cute, or funny, or cool, or understandable to fail.
He's so goddam smart, too.
So's Nathanael.
and if the music starts before I get there...dance without me
It's not that I don't "suffer fools", it's just that I can't for very long.
Give me new problems, at least.
I can't fucking deal with the same old shit year after year. That's boring.
Is this why people fear disappointing me? Because I get fed up? Because I contemplate shaking off the dead-wood friends? Because I cut myself off from people who drag me down?
you dance so gracefully
Are they afraid of disappointing me because they'll end up a friend like Amrin?: never hear from me again.
You don't disappoint me. Asit, Nancy, Lindsay, Daniel, Than... you don't disappoint me because I see your lives, and I see you growing.
I'm not some standard, anyway. I cling to shit like crazy.
I really think I'll be okay
My big talk is to overcompensate for my little discipline.
I love my friends, and I love their problems, and I will walk for years with you through the evolution of your person.
Disappointment only comes after years of seeing you deliberately decide to accept behavior from yourself that is causing you to slowly die... or stop... or cease... or never make it.
You know what I'm talking about.
they've taken their toll, these latter days
