the overwhelming sensation I have never been here before

That woman who calls herself my grandmother sent me $300 today so I can buy a bicycle for graduate school.

She's 90 and drives an Impala.

jonasparker, I'm feeling like the biggest dork today: like all this NYC-weekend shit was a huge farce I invented to feel progressive.

But my grandma is buying me a bicycle for my birthday, like on my fifth birthday, and my tenth, and now my twenty-fifth (but let's clarify that this grandmother didn't acknowledge me until I was twenty-one).

Anything to keep me mobile, I suppose.

All I need now is new headphones so my bike feels like it has a "boomin system".

Woofer.

When I arrive in Indiana the fuzzy-headed professors will put their arms around me and say,

welcome, little dork-child; we've prepared a place for you...

And then I will die as a brilliant, frigid, cob-webbed, creepy old professor.

I realized today that the worst feeling in the world is being a little girl, and climbing up into your daddy's lap, and him saying "not now".

I also realized today that if I ever committed suicide I would dissappear for a day and spend it all alone before falling asleep and never waking up.

But I would never do that to my mother.

I'm going to go to the bank now.