annonymous
Of course, I'm still averaging over 65 hits a day, which is impressive, I admitt, but it diminishes weekly.
It's funny because this place used to be such a social world for me. In NY it was, anyway. I suppose that is indicative of the slim-pickins my daily life provided me with for peers. Now I help form a deluge of same-ness.
The only thing I miss about NY is the opportunity for intentional anonymity. Here at IU all I can find is the unintentional kind, and that's the sort that makes me sad.
If I had a car I'd drive to a no-name town in the middle of a corn field and sit at a diner and talk to strangers. That's how I made sense of myself in NY: by finding an unknown neighborhood, ordering a bowl of soup at a cafe, and making friendly with whomever.
But sitting on my campus, and being unseen, or being ignored, or being unkown - that's not the same.
It's the difference between "aloneness" and "apartness".
I talked with my little boy last night, and one of his friends - on IM - and they both told me the new Nanny will be staying another year, but that they miss me. She's not cool, they say.
I was cool.
Considering my life in NY was sort of like a year without eyelids, I'm very thankful that I was able to impart joy in the lives of some junior-high kids.
Mike says he's strong enough to endure my anxiety here at semester's end, but that he longs to have Happy Michaela back.
It's so hard, though, when my computer discarded of a 12-page paper last night. My only salvation is that it is full of data and analyses which I have saved in scattered chunks in notebooks and other files. All that I have to do is reconstruct it.
Again.
So I haven't done my math homework.
I canceled a meeting with JM.
But by this time next week it will be completely done.
When people eat apples in library computing stations, it makes me want to punch them in the side of their head.
