noon until noon again

We've all seen you dancin';

We all know you're hard 'cause

We've all seen you drinkin'

From noon until noon again...

(Belle and Sebastian)

And then there are those who dance only when they drink.

I'm good at dreaming, and to some it may look like I've accomplished things, but it's illusory. I'm punished with sluggardliness and can pass time faster than childhood. I don't know how I made it here, but I'm not doing well to advance myself beyond here, except for lying about it. I lie a great deal about how much progress I'm making in my independent studies. The only independence is in my innability to accept help... which I need.

When my hair is long and I walk in white down an aisle, I'll look back on all the accidental blessing I have.

I don't worry about money -- really -- and I don't worry about career. I worry about people... I spend time on people... I give my whole heart to them. I pour out my spirit to them. I find satisfaction in them.

Sometimes I think God blesses that: I'm transparent with love, like saturated paper; I'm fragile and vulnerable. I chose that, though. God protects me more than I could protect myself, and somewhere in the mix I end up in New York, with a college degree...

In the last month I've had one hug.

For all I love people so much, no one who loves me is within a hundred miles. A girl could starve out here.

How many different ways can you cook a chicken? At least my cinnamon rolls kick ass.

Tomorrow is laundry day, and I ought to stop waking up to Denison Marrs every morning, ("breathe in, breathe in the day, inhale all of it's light..." is the first words I've heard for the last three weeks, but what else is there? Guns N' Roses is offensive, right Lindsay?) I'm going to sneak a cigarette and go to bed and pray for all of you, my friends, and for a dreamless sleep...