some things come easy
For $18 I get to see them at a tiny little local joint less than 10 blocks from my apartment. This, my friends, is the one not-shitty thing about the Heartland: sometimes we get intimate shows from Rock Gods.
So this is the first day since being with Mike that I haven't seen him at all. Sleeping last night came as a last resort as I tormented myself with paranoia that sat on my chest and nearly suffocated me before I finally passed out.
It's only a matter of time until the relationship reaches the point-of-no-return where nothing bizarre can happen to end it. Frankly, I'm scared of what bizarre things might happen, and I want to get to that secure point-of-no-return.
So I was at Amelia's last night for the not-alone factor, and this morning I awoke with much less anxiety.
I applauded myself for not calling Mike in the midst of my worries, too. That phone call would have availed little. Cause trouble, probably. Good thing I'm mature, eh? Seriously: I got a little jealous when he called me and was all headed out to the bars with his old college buddies.
But why? God knows I do the same thing the second I land in Tennessee!
Amelia and I walked to school today, but I couldn't begin any work because the buildings were locked (oh yeah... tis a holiday, is it not?). So I walked home...
At home I then noticed all the things Mike had left in my home for me to remember him by.
A t-shirt with his smell on it.
A hoodie that looks better on me than him (when I'm wearing only it and white panties), from the Citadel.
A sketch he made of me.
A tiny oil painting he made of interwoven threads.
His toothbrush.
A card with the Isla Paschal Richardson quote, "Grieve not, nor speak of me with tears but laugh and talk of me as if I were beside you.. I loved you so; twas Heaven here with you." (but I think he thinks it's from the Bible).
His Citadel graduation ring.
With so much here that he intentionally left with me I realized I have nothing to worry about. But it sure is sad, too.
::sigh::
In other news... This trip to NY is seeming less possible than it did a few days ago. My mother is trying to wrangle all four of her children (and their significant others) to be home for the family reunion.
That also happens to be ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Truth is, the idea of seeing my entire family all at once, and finally introducing them all to my boyfriend is very enticing.
The thing is that I really need to see those kids I nannied for. And Maggie, Asit, and the Matthew. Whom I love like family.
Shit... Can I do it all?
