Saturday Sun
It's near seven o'clock on Saturday evening and the day still looks like it's only just past three.
After a week of lonely feelings I have been a sponge for all the conversation I've gotten today and last night.
Darrin was non-stop for hours last night picking my brain (my favorite part of my body to have picked), and then he, Eric and I brushed up on our Spanish with a Mexican dishwasher.
No, I didn't pick up any men.
No, there were no more kisses than what normal cheek-offerings I expect from the men I know.
No, I guess I never really intended to do any of that.
I did get Eric (the chef) to stay after he said he wanted to leave. Just to see if I could. Just to see if tired and drunk were less severe than his desire to get to know me.
Women!
Today I was on my own while Asit went to do office/laundry stuff, so I went to the bank and then in to see Michael. He doesn't work Friday nights anymore, and we're both sort of sad about that. He even told me that when he decided to switch to Thursdays he took into consideration the fact that he would no longer be serving me. He said he had hoped to carry Friday nights until I left, but that he just had to have the change.
What a great story he has been to tell.
Edi is also a bartender there, and she is in a band called "I Love You" and I absolutely adore her. She said that the Yeah Yeah Yeah's are popularizing a certain look/feel she's been producing for a while, and now she's fearful she'll have to change so that she isn't labeled. We talked at length about inner-children.
Then Eric. We had a long conversation today, too. About God, baseball, music: the essentials. He used to play baseball, and after I told him I own a ball and glove he asked to play catch next weekend. That's an invitation I can get into. He's not placating or complimentary (overly) or pandering, but I feel irresistable to him. This makes me keep talking to him, just to see what he ends up doing.
Perhaps the end opinion on Eric is: he's very interesting (as in, all of his hobbies and interests and accomplishments and conversations draw me to him), but I can't imagine kissing him (while I can see him thinking just the opposite about me).
For instance, today he told me about a tattoo he has of Hebrew writing, and when he told me what it said I instantly quoted the reference for it, and something filled his eyes as he told me I'm the first person he'd ever met who knew that. Usually similarities like that spark furtive desires inside me, but not so much with Eric (like Matthew and those similarities, but much of that rests largely on my thinking he's cute).
This happens to me from time to time and I hate it. So often these men who connect with me lack in any sexual attraction for me.
On the other hand there are the men who I simply want to have cuddle me for days on end, but we could never succesfully date.
Regardless, I can't make myself ignore him. I can't just not sit there for an hour if I feel genuinely engaged by his conversation. And he's smart, he knows I'm leaving, he's knows I'm not available for much so I also can't shoot him down.
fuck it
I'm leaving in July so I'll go play catch with him.
He has shown thee, oh man, what is good and what the Lord requires of thee: but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God
No plans tonight, in a good way.
