when we hide our feelings we may as well fly away

The complete drainage from being out in the sun, and my nostrils are still tinged with chlorine. I love this feeling!

I just want to lay my hot skin on some cool sheets and awake to more sun.

A Stella would be really good right now, though, to go with my good-night-kiss.

I hope it's still like this Friday for Wilco and Sonic Youth.

Today J got his braces taken off, and his smile is so - I don't know - older? He's been having a hard time with the retainer. Can't say "s".

The boys and I played Marco Polo in the pool at around eight o'clock as the sun set on the bay at our backs.

Then we watched Swingers, which they didn't like as much as Better Off Dead.

Tylere finally called, but it was only to tell me about a story idea he had. If either of us ever actually finished one of our stories we would be set for life because our ideas are tight.

After ten minutes I simply stated my birthday was last Thursday. Then I let him talk for fifteen minutes to earn a forgiveness he had without asking. I love that he remembers things like my preoccupation with sternums. I love him, truly.

Like in Little Women, though, the way Jo loved Teddy, and not the way she loved the German professor.

Oh, and it wasn't him who searched his name the other night and found this journal. I told you I didn't think he would do that. He knows this is here and he doesn't feel the need to read it. He was interested in who was searching his name, though, at three o'clock in the morning.

I can't wait to get drunk and curl up in his lap. Drained by the distinctive heat in the Tennessee Valley, and the Ocoee River, and the Camel wides, and the cheap beer, and sing-alongs, and the sweaty dancing in some living room, and the laughing and laughing and laughing.

I can't wait to let my guard down. With Maggie, Lindsay, Tylere, Nancy, Glen, etcetera, and so on and so forth.

Asit is the only person here I've been able to let my guard down with in NY. He's the only person who I can express beliefs, convictions, feelings, and moods and KNOW that I KNOW it won't backfire on me. Ever. He's the only friend I have in NY who doesn't make me feel like I have to disect his behavior to understand. I can trust him, take him for granted sometimes, show up unanounced, call on a bad day, argue with, laugh unabashedly...

I was spoiled before with numerous friends that made me feel as comfortable as he does, but here he's a rare commodity.

He's helped me not lose sight of who I really am here. Because I'm so silly I would have tried (even harder than I actually did) to change to fit in here.

The experiences I've had with every individual I've met here is priceless, and I treasure them all, but I'm honored by Asit's friendship.

Anything one can take with them is a blessing, right?