I'm confused about the order but I think I've got the steps
They felt so good.
I think I enjoyed the pleasure of ridding myself of the toxins inside those two tears so much that I rendered myself unable to release any more.
With the moment gone,I smoked (cigarettes give me a buzz now that I only smoke one a day) to tingle my hands before coming to the computer to find people.
Jordan was online.
Yeah...
There's a guy named Jordan who wants to go hang out with me but for it to not be a date. I'm looking forward to it.
The stats on that subject are unimportant. The funny thing is that there was a time when I could not get an official date, and now I'm glad to be going on one.
Remember back when girls all bitched, "why is it SO HARD for a guy to set a time, place, have a plan, and then pay? Just call it a date!"
That was me. I was confused at why some guy would be embarrassed to be officially going on a date with me.
Now I know embarrassment had nothing to do with it. They just didn't want the expectations.
I am now weary of outings with guys that revolve around expectations. What not to mention. How hard to laugh. Where to sit. When to touch. If you call it a date I expect you to call me back.
If we're just kicking it you are free to run screaming into the night while throwing things at strangers.
Plus, Jordan is a rocker and manages a couple bands so hanging out with him means live music. I'm such a groupie. I love "scenes". Sign me up.
In other news there was an email in my inbox this morning that made me stare for a few seconds before opening it.
Tylere left for England a week ago, listening to a CD I had made for him, and having promised me the night before (drunk) that he would indeed email me from his semester abroad. I was happy to receive his promise, but I didn't believe him.
But today there it was. My first email from England and I'm comforted.
Perhaps it's denial and miserable, sad, sorry fucking ignorance, but I really think ...
There is a twelve-year-old boy here - a friend of my kid's - and he's singing Men Without Hats. There are four twelve-year-old boys here, actually. I'm going to be ready for bed again tonight.