nothing in here but a jar of peanutbutter

And forget about some other things that I'm about

The most easily forgotten is God

And then there's family

And then there's the Michaela I hang out with all alone.

The funny thing is that you've never met her, and never really could, but I adore her. She's excellent company for me.

George loaned me his car today, and I took the relief of the last two days' hard-work to allow myself some shopping time. It's the first I've done grocery shopping since Christmas, so I was due, but I also went to TJMaxx.

The cute little red One-stars will look great this summer, and the sweaters were on clearance so I felt accomplished.

All afternoon I cooked.

Granted, I spent a year doing this, but the difference was the aloneness today. The just-for-me-ness. And when I share the food tomorrow it will be a gift and not a duty.

All day I've listened to D'Angelo, too, which is not a musician I think I've ever shared with someone else.

Matthew reinforced the freshness seal on his place in my heart tonight, too, during our one-year-anniversary-conversation.

Essentially, I have a tendency to air all my dirty laundry in public. Nothing remains very concealed in my life.

But then there are days like today where I remember the beauty of allowing somethings to remain personal.

and Matthew is personal, to me, too. Because no one I know knows him, so our conversation is all mine (his).

Just like today.

On my Friendster profile I list in my intrests "togetherness", "aloneness", "not apartness"... which illustrates teh mood of the day. I enjoy being alone. Not being apart. But since I'm not joined with anyone, apart is not a question. And I've already decided that "together" is the opposite of "alone"... and not "apart" (I figured that out in July or something).

Speaking of Friendster, though, I fell in love today with Johnny F. I think I need to try and marry meet him.

Quiz tomorrow... I'm outta here.

(All I intended to write was, "sometimes when I have a hangover I drink an entire thing of milk straight from the carton.")

side note, for my own reference: I haven't had an appetite since Saturday, have only eaten once a day since then, and scarcely at that... not feeling well.