airy thinness

I had to repost an entry from yesterday, today, because... my entry from Saturday wasn't readable. I like the entry from Saturday. I think.

It's funny how transparent I am. I mean, you can literally see right through me. Not past me, but into me. I've been in sort of a run-down state lately. Not depressed or weepy, but just bare-threads. Everyone at work notices. My employees with no understanding of English instantly know how I feel.

There was just an abundance of people lending me a hand today, giving me compliments, offering to kill anyone if necessary.

To add insult to injury... (at first I spelled inslut)...I still haven't gotten my textbook for the class I'm in. How awesome would it totally rock for me to like fall behind right now? I mean like more behind. Sweet ass.

Sweet ass juice. I need a margarita.

I realized yesterday that this is the first time in my life that I've felt this shitty... and yet stayed this sober. Well, the first time since I started drinking. I was quite sober for all the shit in my childhood.

Matthew and Asit talk of rooftops. Full tilt Summer in the City that Never Sleeps. Part of me wishes I could just let go of the reins and see where a night takes me. That merriment and silliness of strangers and public transportation while hip-to-hip with a comrade.

Maybe this weekend I'll go to Cleveland to see my old roommate, meet her kid, have a 4th of July hotdog or two. Couple brews. Even though I hate Ohio, it promises to be more fun that sitting here...

I got a text page from my roommate - at MIT - saying that she met a guy there from the same town as my college. AWESOME. A prick from Tennefuckingsee is at a goddam MIT conference and I'm trying to figure out how to say, "cut the onions smaller," in Spanish.

Last night Maggie and I talked and she soothed me because, well, she's known me for ten years. My sister is good to talk to, but since I currently disagree with my sister on same major issues, Maggie wins out. She's the one I can talk to about all the things I ought not be discussing with other people.

Last night Mike and I talked, too. I like to say there's two things which can happen when you separate from your lover (and yes, I am stealing this from John Donne):

#1 your love will stretch across the distance
#2 your love will expand

After two weeks of the former, last night I felt the latter, and despite the yet noticeable fatigue in my countenance, I do feel strengthened.